Thankful for...

Well, it is that time of year! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am having 21 people over. can I just say I can't name 21 people that I truly like. So, we shall see how this goes. Now, to continue on with the ongoing Becky saga... She told me yesterday that the reason she was mad was not because I am pregnant (b.s.) but because she I did not tell her. Either way she was going to pissed. For whatever reason I honestly can not care less!

Now on to the Thankful part. I am thankful for my husband and kids, of course! I am thankful that this pregnancy has gone relatively easily. (I will be extremely Thankful if this baby is a girl!) I could go on and on but I am sure that my list is about the same as everyone Else's that has lived through all I have. Although no one's experience is the same I know there are people that have never gone through anything close to what I have and that there are monstrosities out there that I can not even wrap my head around. So mostly I guess I am just Thankful for the ability to be Thankful!

The cat is out of the bag...

Well, almost half way through my pregnancy and Becky finally asked me if I am pregnant. She finally noticed one of my ultrasounds that has been hanging on the fridge since Sept. 11. She is quick on the uptake! Then a few days later I get the call from my stepfather asking me if I know that I am sick and old, and did I give any consideration at all to my health. My response was "No, none at all!" Then, I got the you live in a 2 bedroom house and will have 4 kids what are you going to do with this kid. To which my response was "Put it in a shoe box." By the way I have a 3 bedroom house.

I guess this is what bothers me. When people tell me that they are expecting I say congratulations and let them worry about all the things that are going to go into providing for a child because I assume that they have usually thought it through and if they want my advice or opinion they would ask for it. Now, saying that if you ask please realize that I will give you my honest opinion and I will tell you what I am able and willing to help with. So, Becky has still yet to talk to me at all. Let alone about my pregnancy and my patients are wearing thin with this whole if you don't do what I want then I will pout and not talk to you! I have to say I was just fine for the first 28 years without you, I am sure I could manage the nest 28 years!

What I did not know that I did not know...

I did not know that being a child is basically being able to act however you want, and being an adult is acting how everyone else expects. Realizing that I have those same expectations of other adults as well. Actually, giving a crap about other peoples needs and feelings more than your own. Most people eventually figure out that being a child was a much simpler time with no mortgage or electric bills, or even worrying how am I going to put gas in the car. But it is so much more than that. For most kids it's about not seeing the ugly in the world, or realizing that the people who are suppose to look out for us are sometimes the very people who hurt us the most. Loving someone is simple and easy not constantly questioned or doubted. It just is!

As I was loading the dishwasher tonight it came to me this is my life. My life as a wife and a mother. I am blessed to have some of the comforts we tend to take for granted, and I do take them for granted like most people most of the time. But not tonight, tonight I am thankful for everything in my life. Which includes being thankful for what I did not know that I did not know!

Child Supportive ( Kind of)

So, I have chosen not to tell my biological mother that I am expecting again. She is not what you would really call the supportive type and I am so happy about this baby, I just don't care to hear it! Although, it also feels kind of cowardly, and yes eventually she will figure it out. It is funny when you have your first or even second child for that matter everyone is AH! Congratulations! You move on to your third or more and everyone is like enough already! Having children is a very personal decision. I understand when people want none, one, or two! But why judge others that CAN do more. No, I am not rich, but I provide for my kids. I have never been on any kind of assistance, am able to stay home with my kids 80% of the time, they have everything they need and for the most part want.

I think this post has turned into an e-mail to Becky more so than a post. I apologize. I guess what I am trying to say be supportive of those you claim to love.

My little pieces of immortality...

While Eric was recovering Mason ends up having his appendix rupture. So, I loaded him up and back to the ER we went. I thought this would mean emergency surgery and maybe a day or two in the hospital. Of course not! They have decided that now it is to dangerous to open up the abdomen when it has all that infection in it, so they sedated him and put in a pic line and also drained the abscesses in his belly. Then after a 5 day stay in the hospital he was sent home with the pic line and medicine that had to be infused over a two hour period every day for seven days. Sigh. Mason has now had his pic line removed and has been scheduled for surgery on October 6th. I hope and pray this is all easy stuff!

I also found out one of the days Mason was in the hospital that Eric and I are expecting our fourth child. I am so excited and happy! I have felt really tired and a lot nauseous but I still love it! Being pregnant has always made me happy! Eric will be getting his vasectomy on September 11th. So this is it for us. I look at the three that are already here and I see their new experiences and hope that I am not screwing this up, and the line I keep hearing in my head is from Steel Magnolias where Julia Roberts says "I would rather have a few minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." I know that not everyone agrees with my choices but they are mine to make. Again from Steel Magnolias "In the end there will be this little piece of immortality with (I am taking so liberties here) Eric's sense of humor and my strong will. I hope!

Backing out?

Sooo Eric's back went out. OK. Twenty minutes before we were leaving on vacation. OK. I had to spend the day in the ER. OK. But, here is the truth of the matter it is not OK! I am being a baby I know. But really! He is on bed rest for a while which means now I do have 4 kids, and I know I should be happy to return the favor because he was AWESOME when I was confined to my bed for the better part of 6 months. But it sucks! Just wanted to complain!

To be or not to be...

I have not blogged since May. No, I have not been to busy. I just have not. So, I made a deal with my Eric that he could have a vasectomy if he would let us try for one month in August because I have always wanted a May baby. He did not like it but agreed. Now, it is the end of July and I am ready to try. He is not. We have an appointment on Wednesday for his consultation for the surgery and it makes me sick to my stomach. But, I made a deal. I don't want to go back on my word and I won't but it really, really sucks!

Other news my niece is getting married and I am extremely happy for her. Even, if it makes me feel old. Bindi just turned two, that is exciting! We have spent a lot of time this summer at the pool and going for walks. I still think about where I was last year at this time and it makes me happy and sad all at the same time.

I am very thankful for the three children I have, they are wonderful and healthy and smart. We went to Children's Mercy the other day to have lunch with Eric and I can totally see how working there you would be hesitant to have another baby when we have 3 perfect ones, when it is not always that way! So, now I am leaving up to God. I know that sounds odd coming from me since I am not a deeply religious person but I feel like whatever is meant to be will. The hard part is accepting it may not be what I want!

Before it's too late...

So, it has been awhile. That's life, we all get busy! End of school year field trips, graduations, PTA, and potty training. However, as I am sitting here thinking about my mom wondering if I truly would have realized how short our time was going to be together would I have got it together. I don't take all the credit for our tumultuous relationship but WOW, I was hard. When I believed she was going to die soon I got even harder. I was so angry and I think that I still am. I know that she did she did not choose to die and it is totally irrational to blame her but I think that I do. I'm mad that she is not here to see my kids grow up, because I know she loved them and I know how much she would have enjoyed spoiling them in her way! I'm angry that I could not accept her love for what it was. Now, that I am a parent I know the love she must have felt for me, even if she could not convey it in a way I could understand. I don't want to make her into a saint now that she is gone, but what I viewed as weakness in her personality now I don't believe was, I believe more it was a weakness for me because she loved me and wanted me to be happy, and just did not know how to balance discipline, love, and friendship.

I pray I do a better job!
Goodnight,
Jennie

The truth about pacifiers!

As I sit here with my 19 month old screaming bloody murder in my ear because she is tired and will NOT go to sleep. It makes me wonder why I have such a prejudice about pacifiers. Before I had and even for the first two of my children I HATED pacifiers, I was a snob about it, too! If you used them for any length of time I'll admit it I judged you and your ability to parent. They just seemed lazy somehow! I would think how is your child ever going to learn to deal with life! Seriously, what the heck was I thinking! The truth is....

Now that I have had my third child and she loves her Binki, I am not quite so judgmental, kind of convenient isn't it? My first two did not really like the binki, so that kind of makes it easy to be a perfect mom, hum! However, my daughter would cry for hers and tell you "it's up there" and "I want it" and of course I would do the "right" thing and say "no" to which I got "Why" and my response was "you are to old" to which I got "WHY!" The truth is I don't know WHY, maybe because I did not want others to judge me they way I had them, or I did not want to walk through the mall listening to the snicker of she is to old for that! I will say I relented several times. We are now off the pacifier although if she finds it, it does go right to her mouth and we have to take it with a fight. I can not seem to let it go and put it in the trash. So, as a reformed pacifier mom I would just like to say walk a mile with a screaming baby and you to my friend may come to understand the truth about a pacifier!

Sick an Tired...

All the kids at my house are sick, which means most of my last few days have been spent cleaning up bodily fluids of some sort. OK, sorry to much information. There are a lot of things I have to say but just have not had a lot of time to put two coherent sentences together. So unlike most of my other enlightening blogs this one is going to be short and not really have a point.

I do have to say though that I have managed to walk 5 miles this week. So I am proud of myself. Also, sore! For those of you wondering about my plight to do one good thing a week it is going well. I don't know if I should post what I am doing to help or not kind of seems like it would be tacky? Let me know what you think! But, on the same note I have a GREAT (if I say so myself) idea on inspiring people to help will let you know more when I figure it all out! Until next time I have something interesting to say.... (That could be a while!)

This to shall pass!

Ok, so anyone that knows me, knows that I have 3 children. Nickolas is seven and he is and has always been sweet, thoughtful, smart, spoiled, and whiny! He was my first so the sun sets and rises on Nick. Then there is the infamous Mason just turned four. Mason is moody, mean, stubborn, and pretty much the exact opposite of Nick. Not to say he is not as smart but Nick likes to show off his knowledge and Mason just does NOT care what anyone thinks. Then there is my sweet Bindi 19 months. My only girl, my princess! She is the happiest baby I have ever seen. Amazingly smart! Of course, I am not biased at all!

Anyway, to get to the point. Mason would not get potty trained and could cuss a sailor under the table and would! Then one day it seems HE decided to start going in the potty, not cussing anymore and will walk and hug me and tell me how much he loves me! Although, he will say his dad is still a "loser" Good boy! Now, my sweet princess's favorite word is damn it and the phrase I don't want to! She does NOT want to be kissed and hits everything and everyone when she does not get her way! Seriously! I just am getting pass this stage with Mason! So I am holding on tight. Because, I now know that 99% of kids get potty trained and 90% of kids don't cuss out their teachers ( yes, I know that % goes up because they are one of my kids!) But before I know it I am going to be going to graduations and weddings wondering why I wanted to speed through this. Just a thought!

Stop complaining! Do something!

I am sooo guilty of this, I like to gripe about all manner of things but rarely do much more than that. But, the recent turn in the economy has so me so tired of hearing everyone whine. We will get through this no I don't know how or when but we will get through it. Hopefully, we will learn from it so our kids don't have to go through something similar. Please don't think that I don't know that things are bad, I do get it! I also get that it sucks and A LOT of people are suffering, but you know what A LOT of people have been suffering for a lot longer. Go to Mississippi, Louisiana, or even D.C. and take a look at the vets who served our country so long ago ,and gave so much and have needed us for a long time and no one helps. We just shake our heads and say how sad it is. Again, I am so guilty of this. Every week I watch with tears in my eyes some family on Extreme Home Makeover and think I should do something to help someone.

I am not independently wealthy as the checker at Price Chopper suggested because I could afford to pay for my daughters formula without the help of W.I.C. But, I definitely have enough to help other people. I have time, and I am a resourceful gal. So, I am pledging now I will do something just one thing every week to help someone in need. I hope I can inspire others to do the same. I will keep everyone updated on how it it going!

thanks Eric, F OFF!

Yes, I am a little bit pissed so just had to put a quick note. I asked my ever so loving jack*** of a husband to read my blog and the first thing he says is "Do they have spell check?" My response, I bet you can see what is coming! F off A**hole! I just wanted you to read it and so sorry I mistakenly wrote trail instead of trial, and yes they have spell check but since both are words the computer did not pick up on it either. Which just means neither the computer nor I are as smart as him! Anyway, just needed to vent for a minute. I may kill him in his sleep!

What do I think? Not that anyone cares!

I think I should be cleaning but instead I am sitting at my computer blogging and looking at craigslist, oh and let's not forget webkinz! But, I was pondering today why we worry about things so much! really, nothing good comes from it! Eric's grandma (Yes, crazy Fannie) asked her son one day how he was doing and he said not good he was worried.(He was about to have surgery.) Fannie casually replied " Why, if you are worried and nothing happens. You worried for nothing. If you worry and you die, it does not matter because your dead." That has stuck with me now for years. But truer words have not been spoken. So , I am going to try to turn over a new leaf and let some things go! Of course, we will always worry about our kids and numerous other things but hopefully as you start to get that knot in the pit of your stomach you can recall Fannie's rare moment of sanity and wisdom. Also, talking about wise words my grandfather(who I never met) said if money can fix it it ain't broken! So, there that is what I think! Again, not that anyone cares!

Come on! Really!

OK, so a few of my friends have started blogging so I figured I could give it a try, and I love to b****, so this seems perfect! If you know me you probably know about why I named my blog fix it - jennie, alright there is three reasons. First, from SNL it was great! Second, because I am the person most people call when they want someone to FIX IT! and last but absolutely not the least, I have been sick for a LONG time and want them to you got it fix it!

So there you have it! Now, I am out of things to write! Oh, yeah that right my B**** of the day! Kids with guns! Really, people come on! And you want to put a CHILD on trial as an adult! Really! How about putting on trial the idiots who put the guns in his hands! Oh, that's right one is dead! Along with her unborn baby! Well, one idiot down! I did not mean that as harsh as it sounded but seriously people how can we not see this coming! It would surprise me more if someone had not died after they gave an eleven year old free range with a 20 gauge shot gun! Then, there is the 7 or 8 year old who shot himself at the gun show with his ER Doctor dad looking on! Oh no ,but he is not at fault for putting an oozie in his sons hands it was the fault of the gun show people ( who do hold a small minuscule amount of responsibility in this but ultimately that is a parental choice.) So as we watch the news and this continues to happen and each time we are horrified that children accidentally or intentionally shot themselves or someone else. Remember the right to bear arms!