Before it's too late...

So, it has been awhile. That's life, we all get busy! End of school year field trips, graduations, PTA, and potty training. However, as I am sitting here thinking about my mom wondering if I truly would have realized how short our time was going to be together would I have got it together. I don't take all the credit for our tumultuous relationship but WOW, I was hard. When I believed she was going to die soon I got even harder. I was so angry and I think that I still am. I know that she did she did not choose to die and it is totally irrational to blame her but I think that I do. I'm mad that she is not here to see my kids grow up, because I know she loved them and I know how much she would have enjoyed spoiling them in her way! I'm angry that I could not accept her love for what it was. Now, that I am a parent I know the love she must have felt for me, even if she could not convey it in a way I could understand. I don't want to make her into a saint now that she is gone, but what I viewed as weakness in her personality now I don't believe was, I believe more it was a weakness for me because she loved me and wanted me to be happy, and just did not know how to balance discipline, love, and friendship.

I pray I do a better job!
Goodnight,
Jennie